I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
