Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
