so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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