so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
