My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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