Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
