I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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