I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
