Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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