Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
