Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I currently don't understand fingers.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
