I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
