If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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