just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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