I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
