So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
