I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You ruined the universe
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
