I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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