I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
