i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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