She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
