OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
