I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
