she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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