Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
