When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
