Whod you bang
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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