i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
