your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So drunk its hurt
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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