He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i wish my penis had a tongue
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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