well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
