I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
