And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
