I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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