why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
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