i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
