He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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