If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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