OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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