I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
