it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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