Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Be still, my beating vagina.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
