it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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