girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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