2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
