I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
