her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Michael Bay diarrhea
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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