I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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