Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
