WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
